Last Week, we explored grumbling and how toxic it is our Oneness and, therefore, our Witness. To continue the teaching, I've invited some friends from Open Door whom I've watched experiment with thankfulness and in whom I've seen the fruit of joy being produced to reflect on their thankfulness practices & experiments. Here's what Kate writes:
“All unhappiness is derived from comparison.” I heard this quote for the first time when I was in a theatre camp before my junior year of high school and it has resonated with me deeply ever since. Think about it...every possible scenario which could make you unhappy really boils down to either you comparing your current state to someone else’s or to what your life was or could have been. But how do you not find yourself muddling through life unhappy, caught in comparison? The only true antidote to unhappiness and grumbling is to cultivate a thankful spirit.
I’ve been actively pursuing a discipline of thankfulness in my life since college. I’ve intentionally tried to focus my prayer life around giving thanks to God and have held myself accountable to not being whiney or entitled (or at least sounding that way)- especially on social media. It seemed like a natural step, therefore, to participate in the practice of noting my thankfulness on Facebook each day the month of November.. Reflecting on this time and this practice brings several observations.
1. A discipline of gratitude creates a deep inner shift in my soul. When I spend my day tallying thanks instead of adding up my complaints, my soul shifts towards God. My prayers change. I turn from spouting off complaints and needs to calling out joy, hope, beauty in everyday moments. I notice the lavender growing outside my office. A co-worker’s kind words add to an already overflowing cup rather than a desperate need for attention and approval. My baby nestled her body closely to me makes my eyes fill with happy tears. My life feels deeper somehow...and yet also more fragile and delicate and filled with beautiful gifts. Ann Voskamp writes “A million little things will happen this week — and there are always really only Two Choices: You get to decide whether you want to Complain. Or whether you want Communion. Life’s complicated. That’s clarity: Complain...or Communion.” I get to choose communion through cultivating gratitude.
2. Gratitude is for me and it’s for them. When I tune my conversations towards thankfulness, when I talk about things that are wonderful with my staff, when I point out beauty….complaints die down. Grumbling ceases. Conversations start to become about what’s working instead of what isn’t….about solutions instead of problems. I notice my friends and family chiming in, adding blessings to my list, sharing the beautiful moments from their day. And I have to believe that something deep shifts in their souls too. Gratitude is contagious.
3. Gratitude changes communities. At my job, we give “props” or appreciations at the end of every meeting. We believe in putting the people first, above the material or the task at hand, and so we take time to recognize each other. And you know what? Everyone leaves these meetings smiling and feeling a bit more committed to their jobs and our mission. I leave meetings feeling like I was noticed, that I have value. I watch faces light up when someone says “I want to give props to…” and they hear their name uttered. The practice of giving props also changes the character of our meetings. Because we know that we will be acknowledged at the end of the meeting for how we showed respect, or honored new ideas or advocated for our students, we carry ourselves differently in the meetings. We hold ourselves to a higher standard. We think about our core values and try to have them reflected in our behavior. Our community interacts differently because of gratitude.
November is over. The Advent season has begun. I’m hoping that this spirit of thanksgiving carries me through this special time of year. I pray that as I continue to tune my heart toward praise that I would find a new level of intimacy in the mystery of a God who came down.